Been quite a chilled day today; even CBT felt really relaxed too!
I did my workout this morning, then had a lush hot shower before breakfast. Am trying to get into a routine of working out between 8am and 9am, ready for when I start going to the gym! Getting my body used to it basically 🙂 I’ve purchased some gym clothes, trainers, a bag and a water bottle, so am all set! I’m ridiculously excited for some reason haha.
CBT, as I said, felt really relaxed today. We spent the time discussing my goals that I set last session, and how far I’ve gotten with them so far. For those of you new to my blog, those goals were:
- Buy/use less hand gel.
- Not wash my hands after opening the mail.
- Go out with friends/other social activity (such as Rock Choir).
So far…. I’ve not bought any more hand gel, and haven’t used quite as much as usual!; I’ve used the delay technique to manage to make it to 30 minutes after opening the mail before washing my hands; and I’ve attended Rock Choir twice this week! I’m definitely making up for lost time there!!
So all in all, my goals are going well so far. We’ve created a “Fear Ladder” this week, with things on it that cause anxiety for me. My task is to accomplish as many levels as I can before our next session, which is on 24th March. Here’s my ladder (1 being relatively no anxiety, up to 10 which is severe anxiety):
- Stay at home alone
- Go for a walk alone
- Go for a walk with someone
- Go to town alone
- Have someone visit my house
- Go to town with friends
- Go for coffee with a friend
- Visit someone else’s house
- Not take my hand gel out with me
- Travel a long distance on my own.
They may not seem like very big things to the ‘normal’ person, but to me it causes me varying degrees of anxiety, and I’m not 100% sure why or where it’s come from. Over time it’s gotten worse though, the more I’ve avoided doing certain things, the more I worry about them. It’s mostly a germ phobia I think, and I wish I knew just how to switch it off so that I can just live life like a ‘normal’ person! Am beginning to confront it though, with the help of R and CBT, so hopefully I’ll be able to manage it better and not let it control me so much.
It feels like I’ve achieved so much this year already, and it’s only March! Was thinking earlier, how well I’ve done in the past couple of year too. For example, I’ve conquered alcohol addiction (2 years, 2 months, 1 week!), I’ve conquered self harm (11 months, 3 days), and I’m currently conquering nicotine addiction! It’s been a bumpy road, but I feel proud of where I’m at right now. It shows me just how strong I truly am, and how much I can achieve when I put my mind to something. So I’m determined to conquer my OCD as well, and live life to the full!
I think that’s pretty much all that’s happened today…. oh, I went for a walk this afternoon and practised some mindfulness 🙂
Yep, that really is it now haha. So, thank you as always for reading; take care, stay strong and until next time….
x Sara Phoenix x