16th May

Hey folks,

Been a really good day today; had a lush long lie in for a start! Didn’t leave me much time for anything though, before I headed off to the gym for my PT session! Which was, in a word, AWESOME! We started off with the usual warm up on the rower, and then moved onto Tabata training again. If you think 20 seconds goes by quickly, then you’ve never done Tabata! Basically, it’s 20 secondsΒ of intense training, followed by 10 seconds of rest, then repeat 8 times. I used to hate it but am beginning to love it. We did slam ball squats (holding a weighted slam ball whilst squatting), followed by some boxing! Which was ace! Totally loved that, all of my aggression from the shit week I’ve had is gone. I was able to go hard and fast and really punch it out! I really enjoy my sessions with my PT, it’s definitely the best decision I’ve made to get a personal trainer. He also took measurements today, weight, height, BMI and body fat %. We’ll check it every fortnight to see how I’m progressing. It’s really good because it will allow me to see the results of my hard work! Once again though, I ended my session dripping with sweat and shaking, an awesome feeling to be honest! Means I’ve worked out hard, and I love it.

The rest of my day I’ve just been chilling out really, and plan on doing the same tomorrow.

Mood wise I’m feeling really good tonight, a lot better than I have been all week!! Training definitely has the feel good factor, all those endorphins flying round my body feels great.

Next week will be quite a chilled out week, as hubby and I are both off work. We’ve got nothing planned really, I’ll still be going to the gym every day though and we do have to get the car fixed, as the clutch has decided to die on us! Never rains, but it pours and all that….

My PT is also going to work out my recommended calorie intake per day, so that my training isn’t in vain! Need to take control of my diet, big time. It’s really not good, relying on convenience food like pizza’s and pasta. Need to start cooking meals from scratch again, and making them nice and healthy. Like my Slimming World days really, as I know that I felt better when I was on that. At the moment I’m eating crap and it’s making me feel crappy too. It’s true what they say – You are what you eat – can really feel that now. If I’m going to see results from my training I really need to get on top of my eating as well.

Anyway, I’m going to snuggle up with the hubby and watch TV now, so will call it a day with this now. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it as always.

Take care, stay strong and until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

22nd March

Hey folks,

Thought I’d check in earlier today, as currently in need of something to do! I love Sunday’s with my hubby, but I do find I get really bored ….

I’m feeling really upbeat and happy today though; we went for a lovely walk together this morning, only a short one, but it’s always nice just to spend the time together. We make a point of not taking our mobile phones either, so it really is just the two of us. I love it.

Since then we’ve had lunch, and that’s about it. I’ve been downloading my RC harmonies and syncing them to my iPhone…. other than that, nowt is really happening! Not sure what to write about today really, although I’m in a writing mood!

I can’t believe how fast this year is going to be honest! It doesn’t seem that long ago that we were celebrating Christmas, and now all of a sudden we’re nearly into April! It’s quite scary really how fast time does go.

I’m looking forward to the week ahead, with 4 classes booked at the gym πŸ™‚ I’ve got the following:

Monday – Pure Fat Burn
Tuesday – Legs, Bums and Tums
Thursday – Pure Ladies Tone
Friday – Pure Functional

And of course, I still have the next 6 days with the wonderful Shaun T and his Hip Hop Abs. So for 4 out of 6 days I will be doing two workouts a day….! It’s cool though, I did check it with my PT and he said it’s a good selection of classes that will compliment the HHA’s. I’m up for the challenge anyway πŸ˜›

I’m really getting into my fitness now, and enjoying the feeling of a good workout. It was also weigh in day today, and have lost another 1.5lbs. πŸ˜€ So am happy with that as it’s still going in the right direction. In 3 weeks I’ve lost 5lbs. Which is pretty good going considering I’m not following a diet plan at the moment. It would probably have been more if I’d been following something like Slimming World still. Having a SW friendly dinner tonight, of Diet Coke Gammon with roasted veg done in my actifry πŸ™‚ My favourite meal lately to be honest! Love my actifry and slow cooker, they’re the best gadgets I own haha. The next thing I want to get is a Breville sandwich toaster, as they make the best toasties!

As April approaches I’m also thinking about my upcoming self harm clean year anniversary! I can’t quite believe that this time last year, I was really struggling with it, and cutting on a regular basis. It’s something that I’m increasingly proud of myself for overcoming; I’m, eventually, marking the 1 year anniversary with another tattoo. But need to save up for it first! It’s only a small one, which I think I’ve shared here with you before, but will be on my wrist. It’s an infinity symbol that says – Live the life you love, love the life you live – it will remind me that every day is precious, and that you should make the most of every moment. Tomorrow is never promised, so I try to live in the now more these days. The struggle that I’ve encountered has really shaped me into the person that I am now; stronger, and most definitely a fighter. There’s not a day go by that I don’t remember where I was back then, and I’m thankful that I never did give up.

There was a point where I didn’t think I’d see the next day, let alone be here a year later and feeling as good as I am. I am proud of myself for not giving up, even when the going got really tough. I battled through some really bad times, and made it out the other side. And I’m glad that I did, and that I’m here today writing this. I’m grateful to those that didn’t give up on me either; those that stuck by me, even when I wasn’t the nicest of people to know. They never turned their back on me, no matter what I said to them or how many times I told them to F off and leave me alone. I’m glad that they didn’t leave me though, deep down I really needed them, and they realised that. Those people will likely be reading this, so you know who you are, and I thank you for being there for me. I really appreciate it, more every day.

I’m getting really deep in this post today! I guess I’m just in a bit of a reflective mood for some reason, but I suppose it’s not a bad thing. It’s probably the longest post I’ve written for a while as well. I don’t even know if this has made any sense, it’s just what’s spilling out of my head today. So I apologise if it’s a load of garbage!

Anyway, I shall leave it there, I think I’ve waffled on long enough. I’m going to find something productive to do with my time today, even though it’s rest day, I just can’t sit still for some reason! I’ve got too much energy and just want to be doing something. Plus if I sit for too long, my legs don’t want to work haha.

Thanks for reading, as always it means the world to me that people find me interesting enough to want to read my posts.

Take care, stay strong, and until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

13th March

Hey folks,

Eek, another Friday the 13th! Mine’s been a pretty good day though all in all, so I can’t complain.

Saw my GP this morning, who is sending me for hormone blood tests, in order to see what’s happening and why I’m not pregnant yet. I won’t go into much more detail than that, as this isn’t really the place for it to be honest. But, basically, the balls are in motion for future planning πŸ™‚ that’s all I’ll say on that matter!

My mood has been pretty good too; started the day in my usual way, 8-9am working out. I love that hour of the day, no matter how hard it is to get going. I always feel way better afterwards. Some days it is hard to get myself going though, when I’m particularly tired or like this morning, not feeling particularly well! I think I’m brewing another damn cold! I seem to be like a magnet for them at the moment; get rid of one, and simultaneously catch another shortly after! Ah well, am taking a multi-vitamin pill now each day, so hopefully that’ll help!

Aside from my workout and seeing my GP, I got my housework done and eagerly awaited my Sports Direct delivery! It’s all here now, and have tried it all on. The shorts are quite short, but I’m going to be getting hot inside, so it won’t matter. Will just be the walk round from hubby’s work to the gym that’ll get me (funny looks no doubt!)….

I’m ridonkulously (yes that is a made up word, but I love it!) excited to join the gym, and wish I could do it now to be honest. But I have to be patient and wait until I’ve saved the money for it. Deciding to actually save the money from not smoking, is a great incentive to stay strong and not give in to temptation. Plus, you don’t see many smokers outside of gyms do you?! No, haha. I honestly can’t wait to get stuck in and start losing weight again. I’m going to work out all my calories and do a diet my own way, rather than follow something. See how that works out for me. If all else fails, I’ll jump back on Slimming World. I just fancy a change for now. I might try the 5:2, and do my fast days on non gym days maybe. Will see how things go πŸ™‚

Anyway, I think that’s all from me for today; nothing else really happened worth writing about!

So, thank you as always for reading, take care, stay strong, and until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

19th February

Hey folks,

Feeling pretty crappy today to be honest; not quite sure why. Don’t feel particularly well physically, so perhaps that has something to do with it. Have been reasonably busy during the day, but have felt so unmotivated I’ve really struggled with simple tasks. Even doing the laundry seemed to take me an age. I’m creeping lower by the day and it’s starting to worry me somewhat.

Of course money worries are still at the forefront of my problems right now; I seriously cannot wait for hubs pay day to do a proper food shop and get back on track with my dieting. I’m feeling so miserable about my weight, I just wish I could do something about it sooner. But, I’ve just got to plod on for another week and hope the gain isn’t too bad. Although I weighed myself yesterday, and am nearly back to the weight I was when I rejoined Slimming World. That’s depressing.

I know I can do it when I put my mind to it, and I also know that I’ve done it on a reasonably tight budget before. For some reason though this time it’s different. It’s like I can’t get my mind in gear or something, and it’s just not happening for me. As soon as there’s money in the account I’m going to make a proper effort to get my mojo back and get back on the wagon. I have to. Otherwise I’m just going to end up where I started, again.

I’m hoping for good things from my new workout as well. The claim is losing approx. 6 inches in just the first week alone….so we shall see. I’m going to really work hard at it, and fingers crossed I’ll see results. I’m going to follow it to the letter, and make a note of all my measurements before and after. I’ll post the after results on here, but definitely not the before! I’m far too bashful for that haha!

I realised earlier that I’ve not done the homework for my CBT either this week; it completely slipped my mind. So now I’ve got to think back, and fill in a weeks worth of a diary in one evening. Not an easy feat! I’ve also got a load of questionnaires to fill in again as well, which I’ll do once I’ve posted this. It’s an early appointment tomorrow, 8:45am, for 1 hour. I do look forward to it though, more so than I used to with the group therapy. I love just being able to relax at home, and chat via on-line messaging. Works so much better for me.

Anyway, I best get on with the homework task, before my brain totally gives up on me today! Soooooo tired!!!!

Thank you for reading as always, stay strong and take care, until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

18th February

Hey folks,

I’ve got what’s commonly known as the post-birthday blues today; been feeling pretty low and fed up most of the day. Got the starts of a cold, and today would have been my dad’s birthday if he were still with us. It always gets me down; I just keep wanting to pick up the phone, call my mum and wish my dad a happy birthday. But I can’t. It totally sucks. It doesn’t seem to get any easier as the years pass by either. I just miss him more each day, and would give anything to have him back with us.

Today has been spent just chilling out again, as hubby was off work. Also had a visit from a friend whom we’ve not seen in a while, which was cool. But he did stay for a lot longer than anticipated, so I was starting to get a little fed up and couldn’t fake a smile much longer. I don’t mean this in a nasty way, but I was glad when he left so that I could relax a little and just be my mopey self again.

I’m hoping it’ll pass quickly, and won’t lead onto a full downer though. It’s been a few days now, and I just want it over with. I hate feeling low and unmotivated. I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow, so hopefully being busy will help. Then on Friday I’ve got another CBT session; this time hopefully I won’t cry….

Money worries and anxiety over such, are still very much on my mind, and am racking my brains on how to get through until next Friday when my hubby gets paid. It’s going to be proper tough and I’m not looking forward to trying. It makes me feel guilty for not working to be honest. Because with two wages coming in we were doing okay. Now that we’re just down to the one plus my PIP it has made things a lot harder. Although, saying that, have had a message about a cleaning job today, so I reckon I’ll take that. It’s only 3 hours a week, and will help a little. I’ll probably put the money to one side though, and start saving again.

I’m still loving my iPhone; although am looking to get a new model at a later date, as this one is a little slow. It’s up to date with the highest iOS that I can get for it, but does take a while loading apps etc. So I will most likely save up for the 5 or 5S at some point. I’ve officially been converted to iPhone though I think! But there are times when I miss my beloved Sony still. I look at it sometimes and really wish I’d not dropped it! If only I could go back in time….

My dieting isn’t going so well right now either, which is a bit frustrating. But I just can’t afford to buy healthy stuff, it’s so damn expensive! Fresh fruit and veg costs far more than convenience stuff, which is bad. It should be the other way around; they’re always on about the obesity in the country, so why not make it easier for people to eat healthily on a budget?! It doesn’t make sense to me. Once hubs has been paid I fully intend to get back on a healthier eating routine, probably loosely based on Slimming World, but without bothering to count syns or worry about healthy extras etc. March will be my month for getting healthy and slimming down. As I’ve said before, I’m starting my new workout then as well, so that’ll help.

Right, I’ve got the starts of yet another headache, so I’m going to call it a night on the laptop and just chill.

Thanks for reading as always, take care and stay strong, until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

16th February

Hey folks,

Today has been a bit better, really chilled out and I got to see both of my beautiful God daughters. The eldest is feeling a bit poorly at the moment, so wasn’t really very talkative, but was still good to see her.

So tomorrow is the big day, my 30th birthday. It’s come around pretty quick. Not sure how I feel about it at the moment. Half dreading it, half looking forward to it I guess. I’m making the most of saying I’m 29 today, that’s for sure. Will take some getting used to saying I’m 30! I don’t really feel in the mood to celebrate it to be honest. It’s just another day to me really. I know it’s a big birthday, but I can always celebrate it at a later date, when I’ve actually got the money to do so. I’m being taken out for a meal at the weekend, by a really good friend of ours, which will be nice. Apart from that, I’m not doing anything special. Just chilling out with my lovely husband, who has some time off work.

I don’t really know why I’m in such a low mood at the moment; I think it’s a combination of being poorly, having no money and getting older! None of which I can really do anything about. I hate not having control of things. I feel very lost and weird at the moment. Can’t really describe how I feel, just not happy. Constantly tired, and just generally fed up with how things are right now.

Have made the decision to leave Slimming World group. I just can’t afford the fiver a week to go. It’s a shame as it was the motivation I needed to stay on track, but it’s just bad timing financially. I will endeavour to do it at home on my own, well with the support of a couple of friends who are also following it from home. I know how it all works, it’ll just be hard not knowing syns, as I won’t have use of the app or the website soon. Once the consultant has removed me, I’ll be locked out. The next couple of weeks will be hit and miss, due to lack of money and just eating what we can afford to (which isn’t much!), so will re-start my “diet” on the 1st March. I’m starting Shaun T’s Hip Hop Abs on the 2nd of March as well, so that should get me into shape hopefully! I’ll probably start my diet then too, as will weigh in and take all my measurements before I start my new workout routine.

Anyway, there’s not really a lot else to say today. Haven’t done anything worth writing about other than what I’ve already said!
So, with that I shall bid you good night! Take care and stay strong, until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

14th February

Hey folks,

Today has been quite a good day; it’s Valentines day and I’ve spent it with my lovely husband. We don’t really celebrate it, as we don’t need a “special day” to say “I love you” to each other. So we don’t bother with cards or gifts; just being together is enough. We make more of a fuss over our wedding anniversary in March. It’ll be 5 years this year, can’t believe it really, where has the time gone!! We’ve been together for 11 years and 4 months, it’ll be 12 years on October 5th. Can’t quite believe that either! I love him very much and he’s truly my rock. I’d be lost without him. He’s stuck by me through everything, and I really appreciate his unconditional support. We’ve surely been through some really testing times together, but he’s not left my side once. No matter how bad it got, he was always, and still is, there for me. He’s my soul mate for sure, my forever, my one and only.

Right, enough of that soppy stuff!!

I’ve had my hair all chopped off today, and I love it!! Here’s my new look:

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Feels so good to have short hair again. I forgot how amazing it was to be honest. It’s going to be so much easier to manage. I was getting royally fed up with having to blow dry and straighten it after washing it, because it used to take a good hour to get it under control! Now it’ll be nice and easy, and quick! Plus, if I’m feeling lazy, I can let it dry naturally and then style it. Awesome!

Mood wise I’ve been a bit up and down today to be honest. Started off okay, and then had something unexpected happen and it really pissed me off. It’s thrown us into financial hell again, and I’m not sure what we’re going to do about it. I’ve got nothing to sell to make any money either, which sucks. My birthday is going to be very dull as we can’t afford to do anything; oh well, I guess it’s only another day really. Same as every year. Just because it’s my 30th doesn’t make it any different. Can always celebrate it belatedly at the end of the month I suppose.

I hate being stressed; it makes me feel physically unwell as well. It’s something beyond my control, which makes it worse. I can normally deal with things that I can do something about, but this I really can’t. I should be used to financial stress though, as we’ve been here before. Living on a budget is so hard though when everything is so expensive. It’s putting my diet on hold as well, because I just can’t afford all the fresh fruit and veg that I need to do it. But then hardly eating anything may help me to lose weight in the long run….

I did get a lottery ticket so perhaps it’ll be my lucky day and I’ll win. Even just a couple of hundred would do us right now, just to see us through until pay day. Any rich millionaires out there who’d like to help out get in touch πŸ˜›

Anyway, I’m off to spend the rest of the evening chilling out and watching movies with the hubs.

Happy Valentines day everyone; stay strong and take care, until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x