Life….

Hey folks,

Thought whilst I had 5 spare minutes I’d pop on here and check in!

Things are going okay, mostly. I am getting very tired though, and it’s beginning to show. I’m getting really emotional and a bit grumpy sometimes. But overall, it’s not too bad. Jessica is sleeping pretty well at night, which helps. Had a busy weekend though, so am flagging a bit tonight. Got a busy week ahead too, so need to make the most of tomorrow being bank holiday and having hubby at home.

Tuesday I’ve got a lunch date with a friend; Wednesday Jessica and I have our 8 week post natal check up; Thursday the health visitor is coming and we’ve got baby group and then Friday, nothing planned as yet. Will probably just chill out at home to be honest.

I’m still really enjoying being a mum though, Jessica is doing really well and changing daily. We’re getting lots of smiles, gurgles and coos now, which is amazing and sweet. I love her smile so much, it melts my heart every time. Bless her.

The first of September is fast approaching, so we’ll be getting our notice to move out of here (hurrah!!!!). I honestly can’t wait. I’m liking living here less and less every day. The flat is so small and we have acquired a fair bit of stuff since having Jessica, and we’re just tripping over each other now. And then there’s the neighbours….less than pleasant to live beneath. So so noisy. They have a teenage son, who has his mates round a lot, and they cause us a lot of grief. Many a time they’ve woken Jessica with loud music or shouting and swearing. It’s driving me to despair. But, as soon as we get that notice, we’ll be heading to the council to get their help in finding somewhere else. Hopefully it’ll be a house rather than a flat, and in a nicer area. Fingers and toes crossed for us folks, we need all the luck we can get.

Anyway, there’s bottles to wash and sterilise, so I best be getting on! Thanks for reading, if you have done so!

Take care, stay strong and until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

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Onwards & Upwards….

Hey folks, 

Have changed the appearance of mg blog. Figured it was getting a bit old and stale, and I fancied a change! Out with the old, in with the new as they say! 

So, I went to see my psychiatrist today; always a pleasure, not! Am in and out in less than 5 minutes, is the usual crap really. She asks me about how I’ve been feeling and tells me she thinks I’m doing really well etc. Then its so long until next month. Am getting closer to being signed off back to the GP though. I’m being kept an eye on for 3 months after birth, which is probably a good thing. But is frustrating at the same time. I was however, told that I look amazing and am doing a great job at being a mum. That was a nice feeling I must admit. I often wonder how people perceive me as a mother, and compliments like that show me. It was a lovely lady, can’t remember her name, she’s a doula. She suggested I look up getting one for myself, to give me a bit of a break some days. Which I’m considering, but not 100% set on yet. I am.exhausted though to be honest, and could do with a bit of help some days. Even just to have some help with the housework. My hubby does help, but works hard to support us all, so I try to do as much as I can myself. It is hard though. And sleep deprivation is a bitch quite frankly! 

But all that being said, as I have said before, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have a beautiful daughter, who we waited over 6 years for (5 and a bit trying then 39 weeks of pregnancy!). Its all so so worth it and I love being a mum. 

Had some sad news today though; my poor mum had to have her little dog put to sleep. She was really poorly with kidney and liver failure, and they thought she had an internal bleed too. Mums obviously devastated, bless her. Just wish I could take the pain away from her. She’s a tough cookie though (probably where I get it from!) so she’ll be okay. Whether she gets a new dog, we shall see. It won’t be any time soon though. 

Anyway, my eyes are fighting me now, so I shall leave it there. Thanks for reading! 

Take care, stay strong and until next time…. 

x Sara Phoenix x 

A quick check in….

Hey folks,

Just thought I would check in and update you all on life in my world….

I think I’m slowly but surely getting to grips with motherhood! I’m starting to learn the different cries (hunger/wet/tired etc). It’s taking me a while, but I think I’m getting there now. It’s a definite learning curve being a first time mum, but something I’m totally loving and wouldn’t change a thing. Even the sleep deprivation is getting easier to tolerate!

Jessica is doing really well, growing and developing rather quickly for my liking, but obviously that’s a good thing too! She’s becoming her own little character, gurgling and cooing away, it’s lovely. She’s getting more alert when she’s awake now, looking around, holding her head up, and smiling too. She’s my world, and I can’t describe how much I love having her in my life.

As far as our housing situation is concerned, we’re slowly but surely making progress there also. The payments towards our rent have been reinstated, and backdated, so some of the rent arrears has been cleared. Just the rest of it to sort out, and then we can start bidding on social housing. Fingers crossed.

Mental health wise, I’m a little unstable to be honest; I have quite a few ups and downs these days, I think mostly due to our situation with the housing. Once that’s resolved I’m hoping my mental health will settle again. I just keep getting there horrible flashes where I see us being made homeless with a baby. I honestly don’t know how we’d cope with that. I don’t think it’ll come to that though, at least I sincerely hope not!! But, to be facing homelessness for the second time this year, it’s going to take it’s toll. I’ve also lost my PIP money as well, because at the time of review, my mental health was stable and I was well, so they’ve deemed me as no longer eligible. I could perhaps appeal the decision, but in all honesty I don’t think it’ll get me very far. It’s a really difficult payment to get as it is, and when I compare my health now to my health back then when I originally applied and got awarded it, I can see why I’m not eligible now. Although my condition is so very unpredictable. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so so much better than I was right at the start of this blog. So I’m not really complaining, it’s just frustrating as that was a huge portion of our income. I am looking and applying for other things that we’re entitled to though, so hopefully it won’t make too much of an impact.

Anyway, will be time to feed and get to bed soon, so will call it a night on this now. Will update again as and when I can 🙂

Take care, stay strong and until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

 

 

1 whole month….

Hey folks,

Apologies for not posting regularly as I’d hoped to, but as you can imagine, life is pretty hectic! Jessica has turned our world upside down quite honestly, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I totally adore being a mummy, despite it being the hardest job in the world haha. I’m utterly exhausted 99% of the time, but she’s so worth it. I have to say, that my biggest, best and proudest achievement in life, is most definitely having my daughter. I’m proud of my body for growing such a perfect little human, who fills me with such love and joy, every minute of every day (even when she’s grumpy!). She’s beautiful and has so much love to give already, and I love her with all my heart and soul. She’s a month old today, and what a month it has been! We’ve had great days, good days and the odd difficult day, but each and every day is such a blessing to have our daughter.

Things have gone a little sour regarding our housing situation though, which is stressing me out somewhat. It’s a bit of a complicated story to be honest, and some of it I can’t really divulge in such a public domain, but we do find ourselves in quite a pickle at the moment. Up until 26th June, our rent was subsidised, and unbeknown to us that particular avenue stopped and now for that reason, which is beyond our control, we’re over £1000 in rent arrears, and that needs to be paid before the housing association will even contemplate moving us within their system, and the council won’t let us bid on their accommodation website until it’s resolved too. We’ve acquired the assistance of a family support worker though, who is going to help us. Tomorrow she is coming round to the flat, to go through the paperwork and make some calls to the relevant people. Hopefully we can rectify the situation and get things sorted and moving in the right direction (quite literally!). We’re due to be given our 2 months notice to move out of here on the 1st of September, which means all being well, we shall be out of here by the end of October. In all honesty, I’ll be glad to go, as we have such issues with neighbours that it’s driving us both mad on a daily basis and it’s not somewhere I want to bring up my daughter.

Mental health wise, I did have a tiny blip, just on one day, where I had a proper meltdown and my husband had to come home from work to help look after Jessica. I’d spent the morning crying and Jessica had been really unsettled. I was totally frazzled and definitely not coping. Thankfully, it was literally just that one day so far that I’ve gotten to that state, but ever since I’ve been a bit paranoid to be honest. But, I take each day as it comes, and plod on. At the end of the day, my daughter means the world to me and no matter what, I’m going to keep myself well, and if that means getting extra help then so be it.

Anyway, today has been quite a difficult day, as Jessica has been really grizzly and unsettled, so we’re going to try and get her to sleep and then get some sleep ourselves. Will try and post as often as I can, but like I said at the start, things are rather hectic! I don’t even get time to drink a hot cuppa these days haha. Love her though, so so much.

Thanks for reading peeps, hope you’re all doing okay and are well 🙂

Take care, stay strong and until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x