16th October

Hey folks,

Feeling a bit meh and generally down today. Not quite sure why. The day didn’t start off all that great to be honest though, my run this morning was an epic fail. I just couldn’t get myself going at all. I wasn’t feeling it before I left the house, and things just went downhill from there really. It turned into more of a brisk walk than a run. I was, still am, really disappointed in myself for not pushing harder and doing a better job of it. My time was rubbish because of the lack of drive/motivation for it, coming in at 17:50, with a crap average pace per mile of 13:03. Only did 1.37 miles as well, took a short cut just to get it over with. I’ve now got a week off running due to my course next week, so it’s going to be tough getting back out there. If I’d smashed it today then it probably wouldn’t be as bad, but because I ended the week really badly, the motivation to get back out there again really isn’t there right now. Hopefully it will be when the time comes around again.

After my run I had a quick breakfast and then headed off to work, was running late and the boss was home too, and I wasn’t in the best of moods. But I sucked it up and put on my smiley face and went in anyhow. The morning was pretty uneventful, and then it turned into a half day in the end, due to reasons beyond my control. My pay this week has sucked because of the lack of work, but nothing I can do about it. Just got to get by somehow, although at this point, I’m not sure how.

So, this afternoon I just did some revision in preparation for next week; am really anxious about it to be honest. People keep trying to reassure me that it’ll all be fine, but I’m so scared of failing. Although the assessment isn’t for at least another 3-4 weeks, I’m already convinced I’ll fail. Which isn’t the way to look at it really. I should be positive, and confident. But I’m just not. I’m okay with all the theory work, but when it comes to the practical I go dumb. I know deep down that I can do it, and have done it even, but it’s still scaring the hell out of me. Oh well, we shall see how it goes I guess!

That pretty much sums up my day today. I’m currently listening to music as I type this, trying to relax. Got my second PT session tomorrow morning at 11am; am looking forward to it, and hoping and praying I’m able to get through it without nearly passing out this time. I did okay on Wednesday because it was strength training, but tomorrow is conditioning, which involves sprinting. That’s definitely not my strong point. I do really struggle with the conditioning side of things to be honest. But that’s all the more reason to embrace it and do it to get better. Fingers crossed for me folks!! My PT sure works me hard, but I secretly love it haha.

Been pretty much on point with my diet today; have reached just over 2,000 calories though, but it’s okay as the run and my steps on the Fitbit have evened it out, so am still within ‘budget’. So it’s all good really.

Anyway, that’s all from me for tonight, think I’ve waffled on enough! Thanks for reading as always, you’re all amazing. Take care, stay strong and have a great weekend! Until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x


3 thoughts on “16th October

  1. Everything in life is a process. Keep moving forward and keep trying to find motivation and faith in yourself. Try thinking of all the things you are capable of and have accomplished: in life, work, and healthy living. Make a mental or physical list. Trust me it helps tremendously!

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