26th July

Hey folks,

Another busy day of studying today; my brain feels pretty fried haha! It’s all good though. Another assessment nearly completed, just a few questions that are slightly puzzling me at the moment, but I’m sure looking at it with fresh eyes tomorrow will help and it’ll all be fine 🙂

Today was a rest day from exercise, so I put my time to good use on my studies. It really is a dream come true to even be training right now. Being a Personal Trainer is my dream job, and I’m so determined to get there. No matter how long it takes. I get a year to complete my course, but most complete it within 6 months. I don’t know how long it’ll take me, but I’ll persevere each and every day until I get there. Sitting at my desk is however playing havoc with my back! Having sat there most of the day, I’m in quite considerable amounts of pain right now! But, at least I know the cause of it now, and can try and rectify the problem. It also means that it’s just strain and not an injury, which means I can still train and be okay. Such a relief! No need to see a doctor either, which is always a bonus!

Diet wise I’ve not eaten all that much today, mostly because I’ve not been hungry really, but also because of the lack of exercise. I never like to over do it on the food when I’m not working out. I fuel my body for what it needs, rather than just out of greed haha. So much has changed with me, it’s unreal!

I’m feeling quite reflective tonight (if you hadn’t guessed!). Looking back over the last couple of years, I’ve really changed, for the better of course. I’ve taken back control over my mental health at long last. For the first time I really do feel in control of it, and not it over me. It’s a great feeling to be honest. I never thought I’d ever get the control back. At one point I was convinced it would always have control over me. But, here I am, rocking it every day, and living my life to the full.

Mental illness doesn’t have to destroy your life. It will if you let it. But if you find that inner strength and really fight it, you can get your life back. Recovery is possible, and you’ll be like me, looking back and reflecting on how far you’ve come. I do most days if I’m honest. Admittedly I do have that constant fear in the back of my mind, every night when I go to bed; you never know when it’s going to jump on you again and push you down. What matters most though, is that you’re prepared for it when it happens. That’s the key to living with mental illness I think. Never, ever, give up. That’s when it gets you. When you give up, it takes over and has control over you. When you give it your all and really fight it, you take back that control, and it fades into the background.

Don’t get me wrong, living with it is hard, but it does get easier. Knowing I’ve got Bipolar for life is a scary thought, but as long as I’m in control, it’ll be okay. I refuse to let it define me and rule my life. I will be a Personal Trainer, and I will live my life how I want to live it. It isn’t going to stop me, not now, not ever.

This weekend has truly been a great one, and I’m feeling so content and happy right now. Loving life completely. Of course, there could be things that are better, but in the grand scheme of things, I’ve got it pretty good and I’ve certainly no reason to complain.

Anyway, that’s enough waffle from me for tonight! it’s time to relax and watch some TV before bed. Another week beckons, and it’s nearly pay day! I’ll continue to take each day as it comes, and make the most of it. I hope you do too.

Thanks for reading lovely people; hope you’ve had a great weekend too!

Take care, stay strong and until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

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