18th February

Hey folks,

I’ve got what’s commonly known as the post-birthday blues today; been feeling pretty low and fed up most of the day. Got the starts of a cold, and today would have been my dad’s birthday if he were still with us. It always gets me down; I just keep wanting to pick up the phone, call my mum and wish my dad a happy birthday. But I can’t. It totally sucks. It doesn’t seem to get any easier as the years pass by either. I just miss him more each day, and would give anything to have him back with us.

Today has been spent just chilling out again, as hubby was off work. Also had a visit from a friend whom we’ve not seen in a while, which was cool. But he did stay for a lot longer than anticipated, so I was starting to get a little fed up and couldn’t fake a smile much longer. I don’t mean this in a nasty way, but I was glad when he left so that I could relax a little and just be my mopey self again.

I’m hoping it’ll pass quickly, and won’t lead onto a full downer though. It’s been a few days now, and I just want it over with. I hate feeling low and unmotivated. I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow, so hopefully being busy will help. Then on Friday I’ve got another CBT session; this time hopefully I won’t cry….

Money worries and anxiety over such, are still very much on my mind, and am racking my brains on how to get through until next Friday when my hubby gets paid. It’s going to be proper tough and I’m not looking forward to trying. It makes me feel guilty for not working to be honest. Because with two wages coming in we were doing okay. Now that we’re just down to the one plus my PIP it has made things a lot harder. Although, saying that, have had a message about a cleaning job today, so I reckon I’ll take that. It’s only 3 hours a week, and will help a little. I’ll probably put the money to one side though, and start saving again.

I’m still loving my iPhone; although am looking to get a new model at a later date, as this one is a little slow. It’s up to date with the highest iOS that I can get for it, but does take a while loading apps etc. So I will most likely save up for the 5 or 5S at some point. I’ve officially been converted to iPhone though I think! But there are times when I miss my beloved Sony still. I look at it sometimes and really wish I’d not dropped it! If only I could go back in time….

My dieting isn’t going so well right now either, which is a bit frustrating. But I just can’t afford to buy healthy stuff, it’s so damn expensive! Fresh fruit and veg costs far more than convenience stuff, which is bad. It should be the other way around; they’re always on about the obesity in the country, so why not make it easier for people to eat healthily on a budget?! It doesn’t make sense to me. Once hubs has been paid I fully intend to get back on a healthier eating routine, probably loosely based on Slimming World, but without bothering to count syns or worry about healthy extras etc. March will be my month for getting healthy and slimming down. As I’ve said before, I’m starting my new workout then as well, so that’ll help.

Right, I’ve got the starts of yet another headache, so I’m going to call it a night on the laptop and just chill.

Thanks for reading as always, take care and stay strong, until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

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