3rd February

Hey folks,

Decided to blog earlier than usual today, as been doing a lot of thinking and reflection this morning.

Today I’ve reached another milestone – 300 days self harm free! Only 65 more days to reach the 1 year milestone. How crazy is that?! I’m shocked it’s coming up so fast to be honest.

It’s made me look back over my journey, and really see just how far I’ve come and what I’ve achieved. I’ve been through a lot, there’s no doubt about that. In the past few years, I’ve battled with alcohol addiction, psychosis, depression, mania, self harm and most recently, nicotine addiction. But, I’ve over come each and every one of them.

I’m proud of where I’m at right now; there was a time when I really didn’t think I’d see another hour, let alone another day, week, month or even year. I’ve fought my way back from rock bottom, more than once, and am still here to tell my story.

I’m a lot stronger now, than I’ve ever been. I still have bad days, some days have been truly awful during the quit smoking process; but I’ve toughed it out and made it through to the other side.

Today is day 9 smoke-free; feeling pretty good about it at the moment. Yesterday on the other hand, was the worst day I’ve had so far. I had an epic meltdown, floods of tears, shouting, punching walls….you name it, I probably did it. Came so, so close to smoking again. But somehow, somewhere deep inside of me, I found the strength to resist it and broke through the other side of the intense craving. I feel sorry for my poor husband, who didn’t have a clue what to do for me, while I was freaking out. At one point he threw the tobacco at me and told me to have a cigarette. So I threw it back and said no! I’ll admit, I was tempted, but my rolling skills have always been poor, so it wouldn’t of been great haha.

I’m really proud of getting through another tough day. Am almost half way through the 21 day target zone. As they say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. So I’m exercising instead of smoking!

Really struggled with my workout this morning though; am just so tired from not sleeping properly. That’s one of the side effects of quitting smoking, insomnia. Wooooo. I’m loving it, not! Not feeling with it at all.

Am so far on plan with Slimming World though, got to go buy some more fruit though, as got barely any left!

Right, I’ll leave it there for today, going to have a snooze I think, not feeling very well right now.

Take care and stay strong, until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

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