31st January

Hey folks,

Today I’m really struggling… been craving a cigarette most of the day. So far haven’t given in, it’s a miracle though to be honest. Probably been the worst cravings I’ve endured so far!! I know why it’s so bad; the nicotine monster is dying. It’s not had any nicotine now for 3 days, as it had all gone from my body after day 3. It’s so very hard but I know it’s worth it. I’ve just got to ride it out and make it through the day, hoping tomorrow will be better! All I can think of right now is giving in though, and it’s frustrating me, A LOT! Am listening to music to block out hubby’s swearing at the xbox; that was just annoying me and making me want a cigarette even more!!

*TAKES A DEEP BREATH*

I can do this.

I will do this.

I’m strong.

I’m capable.

I’m a non-smoker.

Okay, so I’m trying to convince myself more than anything here, but it’s sort of working! Giving myself a good talking to haha.
I’d be so angry with myself if I gave in now, I know I would. So I can’t. I must not give in, and ruin all the hard work I’ve put in this week to get this far.

I keep questioning whether it was the right time for me to quit; but then I think, is there ever a right or wrong time to quit?! No, not really. It’s just a case of mind over matter. The mind is a powerful thing, I’ve just got to convince my mind that we don’t want to smoke.

Anyway… so, today is the last day of January. What have I achieved this month?

  • 2 years sober
  • Quit smoking
  • Got back into fitness – working out every day
  • Rejoined Slimming World

So really, I’ve accomplished half my goals for the year already!

My hair is also now purple –

1530344_10202562723349341_7205210639291321984_n

The photo doesn’t really do it justice, but I’m loving it! Love having darker hair again.

Today’s been a good day food wise too, only had 9 syns today, will make it 11 with a hot chocolate in a bit probably. After this I’ll put my PJ’s on and chill out.

Did my workout this morning; Day 1 of week 2, Ripped in 30. It was hard work, but I enjoyed it. Another 5 days of that!! It’ll be worth it though. Results over excuses.

Anyway, I think that’s pretty much it from me for tonight. Not really in the mood to write much, and honestly don’t have a lot to talk about. Sorry.

Take care and stay strong, I shall try!

Until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

30th January

Hey folks,

Well, another day done, and still smoke-free πŸ˜€ Day 5 has been a little tougher than day 4 was though; a few intense cravings, but I rode them out and got through them.

Did my yoga workout this morning, and my housework. Then this afternoon I went for coffee with a friend that I’ve not seen for a year (maybe longer!). It was really good, and we had a laugh. I treated myself to a 7.5 syn coffee! But have been bang on plan all day, so it’s allowed πŸ™‚ She’s also recently quit smoking, so knows how I feel. Although she’s using patches, whereas mental me went the cold turkey route!

You’re mad, bonkers, off your head….but I’ll tell you a secret…all of the best people are! – The Mad Hatter/Alice in Wonderland

Haha, love that quote!

I found that I was stronger whilst doing my yoga this morning, and could maintain the poses for longer than before. It felt good. I’m looking forward to getting started on week 2 of Ri30 tomorrow. IΒ only made it to week 2 last time, then gave up. So this time I must push myself and get it done! I want the results, so no excuses.

I’m feeling great physically, well, aside from a bit of a sore throat! The human body is a truly remarkable thing, in the way that it can repair itself. My lungs already feel better, and it’s easier to breathe. I can yawn in the mornings without it setting me off coughing. Sounds daft, but to me they’re big things. I can go up the stairs without getting out of breath so much, and working out is easier. It’s great that I’m feeling the physical benefits of quitting as well, as it really spurs me on to keep going and stay strong.

Most obstacles melt away, when we make up our minds to walk boldly through them.

Mood/mentally wise, I’m doing pretty great also. Been in a really good mood today; and am so excited for tomorrow! Having my hair done. Always makes me feel good.

Just been reading through the moves for the week 2 workout, and some sound familiar. So perhaps I did start week 2, but that’s as far as I went. Either that or they’re from the 30 Day Shred. Can’t work out which! Ah well, am still looking forward to it.

Anyway, that’s it from me for today. Will post photo’s tomorrow of my hair πŸ™‚

Take care and stay strong, until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

29th January

Hey folks,

Feeling a little emotional and disappointed tonight; just been to weigh in, and only lost 1.5lbs. I know a loss is a loss, but I was really hoping for 2.5lbs to get my 1/2 stone award and drop into the next stone bracket. Am sick of being a 13 stone something now. Total weight lost so far is now 6lbs, with 28.5lbs to go. At least I’ve less than 30lbs to lose now I guess.

In the grand scheme of things, even a 1lb is a big lump of fat to lose; and I must not forget, that by working out each day, I am building lean muscle as well, which weighs more than fat. So, I should be happy with my progress, at least it’s going in the right direction. Considering the amount I’ve munched these past few days, I’m surprised it wasn’t a gain to be honest!!

I am happy to have had a loss, just got to be patient and hope for what I want next week.

I’m still smoke free, day 4 has been a lot easier than the last 3 days were. I suppose it’s because I’m now nicotine free! πŸ˜€ Am slowly but surely killing the nicotine monster! He’s probably screaming right now, but I’m not listening. Have had a couple of cravings today, but they soon passed and I didn’t think about giving in to them. I’m feeling pretty good as well, both physically and mentally. Currently enjoying treat night, munching some jelly beans! Then it’s back on plan from tomorrow πŸ™‚ Weigh in night is always treat night.

I did my workout this morning, but that’s about all I have done today. Oh and some housework. The rest of the time I’ve spent snoozing on the sofa. Which was probably the wrong thing to do, but I’ve just been so tired. I’m glad I pushed through my workout though, felt great afterwards. Had a nice bath and hair-wash as well; and I love smelling all clean and fresh, and not of cigarettes! It’s definitely one of the perks. Another is being able to put my PJ’s on whenever I feel like in the evening, which is what I’m going to do after I’ve posted this! And knowing I don’t have to go out in the cold again tonight is a definite perk!
My workout was the last day of week 1; week 2 starts on Saturday! It’s meant to be a rest day tomorrow, but I plan on doing some gentle yoga. Have spoken to my PT buddy and he says it’s perfect. I love to workout every day, and besides, a rest day doesn’t literally mean sit on your butt day! You should aim to do at least 30 minutes of activity every day, even if it’s just a walk.

Ooh, I don’t remember writing about my CBT as yet… if I have I apologise! But, I had an e-mail the other day, about the waiting list still being really long, and that they were offering out on-line therapy instead. So, I decided to take them up on that, rather than sit on the list for another 6 months! My first session is next Friday, at 10.00am with an on-line therapist. She sounds nice from her messages, so we shall see how it goes.

Anyway, that’s enough waffle from me for tonight, thanks as ever for reading!

Take care and stay strong, until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

28th January

Hey folks,

Today is day 3 smoke free! And I’ve survived so far. Not much longer to go and it’ll be bed time and another day done. It’s been pretty tough going today, but I think that’s because the last of the nicotine is leaving my body. Last time I looked at the app it said 90% has gone, so only 10% remains…and my body is fighting it!

I kept myself busy this morning with housework and my workout, and then I was really craving. So, after lunch, I decided to get out of the house and go to town for my hair dye ready for Saturday. It really helped to be honest. Just a change of scenery and some fresh air really worked for me. The cravings passed and I felt so much better.

I’ve not used as many syns so far today either, mostly because I’ve been too busy to eat probably! I did have breakfast and lunch before I went out, but not the usual amount of munching has happened today. Which is a good sign I think! Hopefully it means my appetite is settling a little bit now, or at the very least, I’m managing it a lot better. If I lose weight this week it’ll be a miracle though haha! We shall see tomorrow evening….

As I’ve said, I did my workout this morning; took me a while to get myself motivated to do it, as I’ve not really slept for 2 days and this morning I was particularly tired! But, that said, I gave myself a good talking to and decided that I want results so made no excuses and got on with it. Was hard but felt great when I’d done it. As Jillian says, I could smell the fat burning this morning! haha. After I’ve done Ripped in 30, I’m going a little off the scale crazy…and attempting the Insanity workout. Which is as intense as it sounds! I’ve spoken to a lot of people about it, and it really pushes your cardio abilities. Here’s a sneak peak at how it goes –Β http://youtu.be/NTEDDmCjd1k and http://youtu.be/B0D5jSB0XzI – check it out! I’m really excited about it, and with my PT’s encouragement I know I can do it. It’ll be a lot tougher than anything I’ve ever done, but so worth it by the end of it. I’m hoping that Jillian is getting me suitably prepared for it…at least mentally anyway, if not physically haha! Watch this space as they say! If I’m brave enough, I will post before and after photo’s as well. Apparently if you send your before and after photo’s into team insanity they’ll send you a t-shirt that says “I EARNED IT” on the back. I WANT that t-shirt and I WILL earn it! πŸ˜€

Mood wise I’m doing really well considering. Got a bit short tempered earlier on, but that’s to be expected whilst going through the quit smoking process. I’m so proud of myself for doing it though, and the longer I go, the less likely I am to go back on it too. I would be so pissed if I smoked now, and seriously disappointed in myself if I gave in. I’m so determined to make it this time, and never, ever smoke again.

Right, I’m off for a relaxing bath and to put my PJ’s on; oh the beauty of being a non-smoker and not having to go out in the cold!! Love it πŸ˜€

Take care folks, stay strong, and until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

27th January

Hey folks,

Been a reasonably good day today; still smoke-free! Had a bit of a wobble earlier on, but got past it. Once again, have used all my syns today, well, all bar 1/2 a syn haha. Oh well, that’s what they’re there for!

I did my workout first thing this morning (before my brain could work out what I was doing haha!), and I struggled a bit, after lack of sleep last night. Damn insomnia is back, thanks to quitting smoking! Not sure why it happens, but always does when I don’t smoke.

My appointment at Lifecraft went well; am officially a member now, so can take part in any of the activities that I want to do. First up is mindfulness and meditation on Monday next week πŸ™‚ Am looking forward to it. Over time I’ll take part in more each week, but I don’t want to take on too much too soon.

Can’t believe I’m nearly through with day 2 smoke-free. It’s crazy. According to my stats app, I’ve got less than 40% nicotine left in my system now, and I can tell! My body is really fighting it, and the nicotine monster is being particularly annoying! Once he’s dead I’ll be able to cope a lot better hopefully, but until he’s gone I’m going to have moments where I just want to give in and smoke! It’s so hard!!!!!!!! Argh!!! Must. Stay. Strong!!!

Anyway, it’s getting late so will leave it there for tonight, Rock Choir was good but exhausted me! Glad I went though, and was congratulated by a couple of Rockie friends on my quit smoking attempt πŸ™‚ That felt good.

Right, really going now.

Take care and stay strong, until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

26th January

Hey folks,

I am 20+ hours and counting, smoke-free! It’s been a really tough day, but have somehow gotten through it. Not quite sure how! I got my workout (day 3/week 1) done shortly after breakfast, then I did keep myself busy this morning, with housework and such like. Had a nice hot bath, washed my hair and then slept a bit this afternoon. I have eaten 14.5 syns though, so am having to be really careful! I don’t want to replace smoking with eating! Then my weight-loss will go the wrong way!! I have however drunk nearly 3 litres of water! Every time I crave I drink. So, that’s been a lot haha. Oh well, should flush out the toxins a bit quicker. But otherwise, I’ve stuck to Slimming World plan, so all is well still there!

I’ve got an annoying cough today, which I think is the beginning of the repairing process; it seems to be clearing my lungs anyway. My positive posters have helped a lot today, a long with the support of both friends and strangers on a Facebook group. Have had some really tough cravings today, but I rode them out and survived! I’m already feeling really proud of myself, and the day isn’t done yet. Although, am tempted to have an early night just to get it over with, haha!

Today is also 292 days self harm free! I can’t wait to say that about being smoke-free. That’ll be epic!!!

Tomorrow I have my member interview at Lifecraft, I didn’t write it down when she said so am hoping I’ve remembered correctly that it’s at 1pm. :-/ could be interesting if I’ve got it wrong haha! I remember saying midday onwards, so I think I’ve remembered it right. Might just give them a call in the morning to double check….
I’m a little nervous about it, as I don’t know what to expect really, but looking forward to it at the same time. Will let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Another thing to look forward to tomorrow, is Rock Choir! The thought of that has helped with some fierce cravings today too. Knowing that over time my voice will get better again, and I may even be tempted to go for solo’s again then. We shall see!

Anyway, not really much else to say, apart from it’s now 21 hours smoke-free!!!

Take care and stay strong, until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x

25th January

Hey folks,

Today has been spent, in PJ’s, watching The Walking Dead with the hubby. Oh, and writing motivational quotes and sticking them on my wall! All for a good purpose…. I’m quitting smoking tomorrow. Day 1 of attempt number 3! I’m hoping it’ll be third time lucky, and as I’m actually announcing it this time, it means I’m accountable for my actions. Have read Allen Carr’s Easyway to quit smoking once, and intend to read through again after I’ve posted this. I’ve also watched the videos of the same method. So, fingers (and toes, and legs, and arms…) crossed, I can succeed this time around.

As I listed 5 very good reasons to quit in my blog yesterday, I’ve got the motivation and the desire to do it. So am running with it. January 26th will be the day I go smoke-free, hopefully for good this time.

Here’s some of the quotes that I’ve written for myself to keep me strong and focused:

“I’ve endured this discomfort before and survived it, and so I can survive it today.
I’ve felt these feelings before and sat with them, and so I can sit with them today.
I’ve felt like giving in before and held onto hope, and so I can continue to hold on today.
I made it through yesterday, and so I can also make it through today.
I can do it. I will do it. I am doing it. I am strong and I am capable. I will not give up.”

“Be strong when you are weak, brave when you are scared and humble when you are victorious.”

“It will hurt. It will take time. It will require dedication. It will require willpower.
You will need to make healthy decisions.
It requires sacrifice.
You will need to push your body to the max.
There will be temptation. But, I promise you, when you reach your goal,
it’s worth it.”

“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle!.”

“You are stronger than your cravings.”

“Stay strong, because you’re worth it!.”

“I’m going to succeed, because I’m crazy enough to think I can!”

“The voice in your head that says you can’t do this, is a LIAR!”

“Solid bitches, don’t crumble!!!!!”

So, yeah, there’s loads more, but I won’t list them all. They are just a few of my favourites! It’ll hopefully spur me on to keep going and resist the temptation. It’s going to be hard, but ultimately it’ll be worth it.

In other news, I did my workout again today, day 2 of week 1. I’ve even made a tick chart to cross off my progress as I go along, to keep me focused. As well as a list of weight-loss goals. I’ve been very busy making lists and posters today, haha!
Here’s a list of all the lists I’ve made:

  1. Weight-loss goals
  2. 21 Smoke-free days
  3. 28 workout days (Yes I realise it’s Ripped in 30, and is meant to be 30 days, but I can’t work out how to make it 30 days! So it’s 6 days of Ri30, and each day 7 is a yoga day. So a kind of rest day.)

I do love my lists! #2 is because it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, so once I reach 21 days hopefully I’ll have broken my bad habit of smoking, and #3 replaced a bad habit with a good one!

I have a good day on plan food wise too; so far only had 2.5 syns. I know I’m supposed to have 5-15, but I just don’t fancy anything… I’ve filled up on pasta for dinner, and the only thing I plan to eat, if anything at all, is fruit. I may have another 2.5 syn treat to round it up to 5, but that’ll be it. Should probably save some fruit to eat tomorrow, instead of rubbish haha. But, I’m going to try to not replace cigarettes with food. Instead I shall drink copious amounts of water, coffee and green tea! Determined to get a good loss this week, as I really want my 1/2 stone award and to get down into the 12 stone bracket. Here is a list of my weight-loss goals:

  1. 1/2 stone award – -7lbs
  2. (12 stone bracket)
  3. 1 stone award – -14lbs
  4. Club 10 award – -10% of my body weight
  5. 1 1/2 stone award – -21lbs
  6. (11 stone bracket)
  7. 2 stone award – -28lbs
  8. 2 1/2 stone award – TARGET – -35lbs
  9. Get into a size 10

Each one is a milestone in my weight-loss journey, step by step I will get there. I will be fit, healthy and smoke-free when I reach that #9 too. The determination I have inside of me right now is huge. I need to take action to get where I want to be. Results over excuses and all that!! My new motto is “Keep Calm and Get Healthy!”.

On Saturday, I’m having my hair cut and coloured. Not cutting it all off, as I’m still growing it. Just shaping it up again, as it’s grown a bit out of shape. I’m also ditching the red, and going purple!! Am so excited! My stylist says he has an idea, but won’t tell me until the day what that is! I trust him though, he’s awesome. All I know so far is purple with a blonde streak in the fringe…. totally cannot wait!

Right, I think that’s enough waffle from me for one day! Hope you are all well and thanks for reading as always.

Take care and stay strong, and think positive vibes for me for tomorrow, I’ll need all the support I can get!!!

Until next time….

x Sara Phoenix x