December 12th – Creeping up…

Hey folks,

Feeling a little bit better today; my mood has improved and Benji (the voice) has gone!! He was screaming at me last night, his usual degrading and abusive stuff, so I perhaps should have seen that as a sign that he was on his way out. He always fights it when he’s been sent his marching orders. He did last time too. I really do feel like I’m on the other side of my war now, and am winning. I’ve been fighting so hard and it’s paying off. I’m on the uphill journey, and I like it.

I refuse to sink. 

My mantra and I will always refuse to sink. I’ve painted a picture of it and it’s now hanging on my wall (with tinsel for Christmas!)


I might add some more glitter to it at some point; I’m a little addicted to using glitter glue on everything!!

I’ve been hunting for more positive quotes again, and this time I’m actually starting to believe in them, here’s a good one I dedicate to all of you lovely followers, my friends and my family:

“The best kind of people are the ones that come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in YOU too. The people that love you, simply for being YOU. The once in a lifetime kind of people”

I have so many lovely friends that are my once in a lifetime kind of people, they know who they are and are probably reading this. They support me no matter what mood I’m in, they all deserve medals.

Here’s another about friendships, and I dedicate this one to my sister:

“I look back now and realise that the gift of a true friend is that she sees you not the way you see yourself or the way others see you. A true friend sees you for who you are and who you can become.” —  Robin Jones Gunn

My sister means the world to me, and she’s been extremely supporting of me through all of my worst times, love you K.

The next quote is about my struggles with self harm –

“Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of. Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear. You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.”

I used to be really ashamed of my scars; to the point where I’d try and cover them with make up some days! But now I’m proud and really do look at them as a sign of strength. This may sound really odd to you, let me explain: Basically, I could of gone deeper, fatally so, but I didn’t, I had some kind of strength inside of me, stopping me doing so. It’s that strength I see as my reason to be proud. Perhaps it was a way of seeking attention or a cry for help. I’m thankful that I got the help, and 247 days self harm clean today is something most definitely to be proud of!! I posted it on a group on Facebook yesterday, and it received over 300 likes! 314 last time I looked! Feeling the love 🙂

Next up is a quote about losing people; I’ve lost a few people through this journey, but it just shows that they weren’t meant to be a part of my journey. Now I’m coming to the end of it, or rather the beginning of a new one, I can reflect and see that losing them was worth the pain. I’ve become stronger without them and proved to myself that going it alone I can do it –

“Be willing to go alone sometimes. You don’t need permission to grow. Not everyone who started with you will finish with you. And that’s OKAY.”

“Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Good things take time. Stay patient and stay positive. Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.”

The above quote feels really appropriate to right now. It’s similar to “You can’t have rainbows, without the rain”. You have to endure hard times, in order to earn the good times. I really believe that, and that everything happens for a reason. “You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.” Another good quote there, and I firmly believe that too.

Everything does work out in the end, one way or another.

So there’s some more positives to look upon and really think about. I’m feeling a lot more positive today, and I know that I’m going to be okay. I’m better today, than I was yesterday, and hopefully there will be an even better tomorrow.

Today has been a good day; just relaxing with my hubby and watching yet more Breaking Bad (it’s really good, you should watch it!). Time for me to crack on with dinner now though, so I will leave it there for today. Thanks for reading, and welcome to my newest followers!! Take care and stay strong.

Until next time….


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