December 11th – So very tired

Hey folks,

Just thought I’d check in and say hello … not feeling all that great right now, but wanted to write down my thoughts.

I wrote a whole big essay of negatives and “woe is me” type jibber jabber, that’s not going to help and it ended up just making me feel worse anyway. So, I deleted it all and instead I’m going to list the positive things in my life right now, hopefully it’ll lift my mood a bit.

  • 246 days self harm free. Rock ‘n’ Roll. I got this at least…
  • I had the results of my x-ray through the same day, and all was clear and normal.
  • I have some really great friends and family, that are showing me so much support right now, they mean the world to me.
  • I’ve been in this bad place before, and I know that it does pass. I just need to dig deep and find my inner strength; I know it’s in there somewhere.
  • Holding on is hard, but letting go would be harder. I have a lot to live for, or rather a lot of people in my life to live for, to keep fighting for. And most of all, I have myself to fight for.

So, there’s some positives. I’m also going to post some positive quotes as well, to look at and try to focus on…

“Always make sure you bounce back higher than you have fallen” – I intend to bounce back, no matter how long it takes.

“The moment you’re ready to quit is usually the moment right before the miracle happens. Don’t give up” – Oh I won’t give up. Never give up, never give in.

“In the very moment you want to give up, give it all you’ve got. You’re on the brink of your breakthrough!” – Exactly, better days are coming.

“Remind yourself that it’s okay to not be perfect” – This is quite poignant for me; as I always strive to be perfect, when I just don’t need to be. I’m loved for who I am, my imperfections make me who I am. I don’t need to be anything other than myself, and striving for perfection is just exhausting me. I need to accept myself as I am, flaws and all.

“This too shall pass” – Yes. Yes it will. I just need to hold on, ride out the storm and wait for the sun to shine again.

“Just because today is a terrible day, doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be the best day of your life. You just gotta be there.” – I’ll be here for many more tomorrows. No matter how hard it is.

From my favourite movie (The Crow)- “It can’t rain all the time” – No, it can’t. It may be raining now, but it’s temporary. As I said above, the storm will pass and the sun will shine again.

“Every day begins with an act of courage and hope: getting out of bed” – For me this is a big thing. Just getting up in the morning is a small victory. I’m fighting the negatives trying to keep me there, I refuse to hide away. It’s not going to help me in the long run, so I need to get up, stand up tall and face my demons head on. They will not defeat me.

“It is during our darkest moments, that we must focus to see the light” – it’s there somewhere, I just need to keep searching for it. Then when I see it, focus on it with all my might and don’t stop until I get there. I’ll be there soon enough.

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination” – That’s exactly what I need to do. Easier said than done, but I will do it.

I’m really trying to believe that everything is going to be okay. It’s hard, but I know deep down it will be.

That’s all for today folks, I might try taking a nap now. I’m so tired. Take care and stay strong…

Until next time…..


2 thoughts on “December 11th – So very tired

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