December 7th – The harder I fall, the higher I’ll bounce

Hey folks,

Still not feeling too good; but I do realise that it’s only temporary and I’ve got to ride it out to the other side. How long it’ll last is anyone’s guess, but it won’t last forever.

Right now I’m not in the greatest of moods. Phrase of the day is “Chuck it in the f*** it bucket and start again”. If only…

Depression really is kicking my ass and it sucks. Big time. The voices are still very much there and rather loud today. I won’t entertain them by talking about them though, it only makes them worse for some reason….

Although I was told last night that there’s nothing wrong with me.. and that I should just change the way I think to feel better. Well, I wish it was that simple and I wouldn’t be feeling like this. Truth is, it’s the chemicals in my brain at fault and making me feel like this. Once the medication kicks in again it’ll be okay; I just have to be patient and let it do it’s funky thing. I know there’s something wrong with me, as do all my medical professionals that look after me, so I’m not going to listen to people like that any more. It only serves to bring me further down, so I have to distance myself from it for now, I don’t have the strength to handle it.

It’s that kind of disbelief and stigma that we face every single day. That’s one of the reasons I started this blog, to show just how real mental illness is. But I’m just one person, I can’t change the views of millions who feel exactly the same way. I couldn’t even change the mind of one person, so obviously I’m doing something wrong. Oh well at least I’m trying. I’m being honest with the world about my feelings and thoughts. I know I’ve helped people with this blog and that’s all that matters to me. Other peoples opinions are just that, opinions.

Have spent the day being totally lazy; just don’t have the motivation in me to do anything. Can’t even read a book as I don’t have the concentration. Even focusing on writing this post is taking a lot out of me. I really do hate depression 😦 it sucks the life out of you. Hopefully as time goes on it’ll improve. I’m glad I’m seeing the doctor again on Tuesday; there’s a couple things I want to discuss with her. Ultimately though, I’ll be glad when I can see my proper GP on the 19th. Can’t come soon enough to be honest. If he reads my file in-between now and then he may well contact me, he has done so before. That’s what I really like about my GP, he really does go above and beyond to help me. He just gets me, like no other doctor has done. It’s great.

Anyway, not really much else to say today; this has taken me best part of an hour to write and I now have a headache. Meds time soon too, and I get really spaced out, so will leave it there for tonight. Thanks for reading, and welcome to my new followers, sorry it’s so bleak around here at the moment…

Until next time…

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3 thoughts on “December 7th – The harder I fall, the higher I’ll bounce

  1. No apologies necessary Sara, you’re where you’re at. I greatly admire and appreciate your openness. I hate depression too it’s the worst! Can’t say it enough. And those who don’t get it will never hear you…it’s definitely not you nor are you doing anything wrong. That’s about them & their “stuff”. So be it. My cousin has no idea how detrimental her lack of belief in my mental illness and judgement is. It really hurt for a long time so I got angry. Thankfully I’m past it now and forgive her ignorance. Her problem sadly. Keep talking and continue to be true to you. Blessings, jules

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