November 18th – Feeling the strain

Hey folks,

Today has been a long and tiring day!! Starting to dislike working now, it exhausts me. I don’t know whether to carry on doing it or not to be honest. Financially it makes sense to, but with my PiP I could technically get by without working. I’m just so very tired and don’t seem to be functioning properly any more. I feel like my mood is slipping and I don’t like it. It’s only today that I’ve realised it to be honest. But at the same time I don’t want to leave them in the shit if I were to quit. Argh, feel really stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea at the moment.

It must make me sound so lazy… that’s not what it’s about at all. I don’t have great energy levels thanks to my medications, so working just leaves me totally wiped out. My Pdoc did warn me that working would be hard for me, and at the time I just didn’t want to believe her. I want to be normal and work, but it doesn’t seem to be as easy as that for me. It sucks 😦

My tattoo is healing nicely, still quite sore, but am keeping it well creamed. I can’t wait until it’s healed though!

I really wish I knew what to do about work………………………I do enjoy it, most of the time; sometimes the time goes so slowly that I’m almost willing the hours away to home time. It’s all or nothing though in that place, either it’s mentally busy or a ghost town. There’s not a happy medium. I think that’s what frustrates me more than anything, I like to be busy, but not to the point where I’m stressing about the amount of people queuing at my till. I’m still learning some things too, which makes it awkward sometimes. My till cash up went badly wrong tonight, and it really stressed me out. I’m not very confident doing it still, and when things go wrong I panic. Took me about 20 minutes or more to do it tonight, with help! I hate that part of my day to be honest.

I feel like I’m just rambling on tonight, sorry folks! It’s all a bit of a jumbled mess in my head at the moment. Feel so lost and confused and don’t know what to do for the best with any of it. I can’t wait for my day off this week, and then I’ve got a long day on Friday, well 2 shifts almost back to back. 2 hour gap in between the 2, but will be most of my day at work. 8am-10am, then 12pm-6pm. Last time I did 8 hours I was exhausted for days afterwards. Hopefully the 2 hour gap will help..

I don’t know whether I’ve said or not but I don’t have to work weekends any more, which is a bonus! So at least after Friday I have a couple days rest!

Anyway, I think that’s enough moaning and rambling on for tonight. Sorry if it’s not great reading or doesn’t make sense!!

Until next time folks, take care and stay strong.

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