October 22nd – Just not ready…

Hey folks,

Today has been yet another frustrating day. It all started so well, I managed to resist the temptation of the morning cigarette, and felt okay. Then I had breakfast and headed out for my run (more about that shortly). As the day went on the cravings got unbearable so ended up vaping to try and get past them. But it was only making things worse. By the time hubby got home I was about ready to scream and shout and cry. So, ended up smoking again. I’ve come to the realisation though, that I’m just not ready to quit yet. If I was I’d have more determination and willpower. There’s a part of me that does want to, but a bigger part of me that really doesn’t. So have decided just to cut down as much as possible instead of quitting. I have too much other stress to deal with right now, so adding to that with trying to quit smoking is just stupid really. In time I know I will quit, and it will be before the year is out; however, it’s just not going to be now.

My run was hard going again this morning; my knees are really not liking it one bit, so I may well end up giving up on it altogether. Now that I have the bike I can get out for bike rides, which is easier on the knees. My helmet and seat that I ordered arrived today, so am all set to go when I get the time. Well, once hubby has fitted the seat that is!! It’s a shame about the running, but as I feared, my knees just can’t handle the impact. I even tried running on grass instead of concrete today, but still they’ve ached a lot since, and 1 is slightly swollen. So, I’m calling it quits before I do any further damage.

It’s so frustrating that I’ve not accomplished either of the things I set out to do this week. 2 runs and 3 failed quit smoking attempts. But, what’s meant to be will be I suppose, and everything happens for a reason, and all that jazz!!

Oh well.

Today is 196 days self harm free, so am still rocking that one! 4 days to the big 200!!!!!!!! 😀

Tomorrow I have 2 hours training at my new job, eeek!! Rather nervous but looking forward to it as well. Will let you all know how that goes 🙂

Welcome to my newest followers, up to 68 of you lovely people now, so who knows I may well make the 100 by the end of the year, that would be amazing. Please keep sharing my blog folks, it means so much to me 🙂

Right, am calling it a night on here now, rather tired and just feel like chilling out and catching an early night! Take care one and all, and until next time…..

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2 thoughts on “October 22nd – Just not ready…

  1. Don’t look on things as failures, just adjust your goals, why don’t you try walking rather than running? It’s actually better for you anyway, just doesn’t raise the heart rate as much. I have never been a good runner, even when I was uber fit, so have always tried to walk, at one point last year I was managing about ten miles every other day. You will be surprised how fast you can walk when you get some music in your ears and out your head down, and it is nowhere near as bad on your knees. I normally carry a backpack with water bottles to add weight to help with calorie burning. The cycling will help aswell…I don’t do enough of that…or walking right now!

    Good luck with the new job!

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