Since my post last night, a lot has changed.
When I woke up this morning, I didn’t feel so overwhelmingly unhappy like I have been lately. It felt like it was going to be a good day, and it did turn out to be. Although rather shocking too… I shall explain!
This morning I emailed work to ask when they wanted my lanyard and staff handbook back, and they said any time I wanted to take it in was fine. So I said I’d do it this morning to get it sorted; they then asked me to have an “exit” interview with them as well, to get a little more information about why I was leaving etc. I agreed to that as well, and despite being really anxious about it, I headed into town on the bus.
It turned out to just be a chat about what’s going on with me at the moment; I was 100% honest and told them I have mental health issues, and they were really great and understanding. They also said they really didn’t want to lose me, and I lost count of the times they said “Please don’t leave..”!!! They are going above and beyond to help and support me, and are changing my job role to one where I’ll hopefully be more comfortable, in order to get me to stay. So, it looks like I haven’t actually quit after all! I came out of the meeting in shock; I’ve never worked for a company that has fought so hard to keep me as an employee. It’s a really good feeling; I feel valued, appreciated and above all wanted. It’s an unusual feeling though too, as like I say, I’ve never experienced anything like it for any other company!
I’ve got some more time off to get my head around it and think it all over, to make sure it’s what I really want and get myself in the right head space to go back. They suggested I got signed off by my GP, but I’m reluctant to do that; as I don’t think having too much time off, and time to think/dwell, will be good for me in the long run. I can self certify myself for 7 days, so am booked off until Wednesday 22nd, meaning my return date would be Thursday 23rd. This gives me time to really make sure I’m well and ready to go back. I do feel semi ready now to be honest, but I don’t want to push my luck. My mental health seems rather fragile at the moment, so I have to be careful. At least now they are aware of my troubles, it’ll make any any future issues easier to approach them with. After they’ve been so great about it all, I don’t want to throw it back in their faces. I’m really grateful that they want to keep me on, despite my issues. I think it’s the right decision to go back and give the new role a go; at the end of the day, if it doesn’t work out, I still have the option of leaving anyway. But I won’t know if it’ll work out unless I try.
Plus I don’t want my mental health to dictate my life or win again. I’m feeling a lot more determined today; I don’t want to be unemployed again. I need a routine and ultimately an income too. So, here’s hoping it all works out this time!!
That’s pretty much all that happened today to be honest. Haven’t done anything but think all of that over! It’s kind of consumed me a little. I think I’m still in shock a little about it too!!
Today marks 191 days self harm clean too! So only 9 days to the big 200!!! How shall I mark the anniversary I wonder? Any ideas lovely people?? Comment your thoughts below 🙂
Right, I think that’s all from me tonight, getting tired now. Take care one and all, oh and thank you to my new followers, welcome to my crazy little world! Until next time lovely people…