October 12th – Stand Up To Cancer

Hey folks,

Just a little check in to say hi! Have had a good weekend; yesterday evening my husband and I took part in the Stand Up To Cancer march in Cambridge. It was a really great atmosphere and I felt both proud and emotional to be part of it. We heard stories of peoples experiences with Cancer and that was quite overwhelming. Especially as I personally have lost people to the awful disease, and know people currently fighting it.

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I’m also going to share with you a photo of myself, holding my placard. Now this is a big thing for me, as until now I’ve only ever been a name, Sara Phoenix. So here goes…

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I feel it’s the right time to put a face to the name, in support of Cancer Research. If you’d like to donate, you can do so via our justgiving page – http://www.justgiving.com/SumnerMarchOnCancer – I’d really appreciate your support, as would the millions of people affected by Cancer. All funds go towards Cancer Research and beating Cancer sooner. Lets all stand up to Cancer together.

I feel proud too for overcoming my fears of showing my face on my blog. I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which causes me to see myself completely differently to how others see me. My relationship with my body image isn’t great, and am always criticising myself. But, at the same time, having taken part in such an emotional event last night, it has put a lot of things into perspective. I realise that a lot of people have it worse than me, and I should be happy that phsyically I’m healthy. I suppose its a case of taking life for granted, which from now on I’m going to try and not do. I may feel ugly and be overweight, but I’m alive. That should be enough. Nobody is perfect and that’s okay.

I am struggling today with anxiety; which I know is work related. Its not that I’m not happy at my new job, more that I’m uncomfortable on customer service. I’ve never been great with telephones, nor public speaking. Both are a part of the job role; the public speaking part in the form of tannoys. The serving of the customers is fine, if a little complex sometimes. I have requested to move departments, preferably to regular tills. But I would consider being on the floor departments too if it came to it. Anything would be preferable to where I am now. Its not that I dread going in to work either, just feel very nervous and apprehensive. I’ll still go in and do the job I was given, because I’m determined to show my worth. If I start calling in sick they’ll likely say I’m unreliable and then won’t move me. I will find out tomorrow if they’ve had any luck finding someone to swap with me. Fingers crossed for me my lovely followers.

Today marks 186 days self harm free for me; which is an incredible achievement. I will be finding a reward for myself when I reach 200 days. Not sure what, but I feel it deserves marking with something special. I would say another tattoo, but the one I want is going to cost a lot and right now I can’t justify the money so close to Christmas. (Sorry for mentioning that word!). I want to start getting presents sorted. I think my next tattoo may mark my 2 year sobriety anniversary instead.

Anyway, as I’m feeling a bit iffy tonight I’m going to draw this post to a close; hard typing with shakey hands! Hopefully there’s only been a few, if any, typos!

Thanks for reading and until next time….

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