I feel I may have posted a post like this before… there’s a real sense of deja vu about the title!! But anyway, as there’s not much to report I thought I would be a little contemplative and reflective today, as I really wanted to post!
I’ve recently been reading through some of my older posts; in particular the first few, where I set myself some goals to achieve this year. I’d like to revisit those goals with you today, and show my progress on them.
To remind those who have been following for a while, and for the benefit of those new to my blog, I set the following 4 goals for 2014:
- Get to target weight before my birthday
- Get back into exercise, even if it’s just walking.
- Take control of my mental health and keep fighting.
- Quit smoking.
There was a 5th goal that I didn’t reveal back then, and still not going to right now either, sorry! But let’s take a look at the above and what I’ve achieved so far.
1. I did indeed get to my target weight before my birthday; I have however gained some back since starting my medication in April. But, it’s a goal I accomplished, so I’ll take that!
2. I am slowly getting back into exercise, have been doing workouts at home or going for walks; I plan to start a daily workout once I know what time I’ll have around work too, failing that perhaps an evening walk with my lovely husband. So, another goal practically accomplished! Awesome!
3. I feel I have taken back the control over my mental health now; I’ve learnt to accept my Bipolar diagnosis and am, in my opinion, managing the condition well. Yes, I’ve had a few lows recently, but I managed to not let it go too far, and I have come out the other side a lot quicker than I previously would. It is hard sometimes, but I have action plans set ready for when the lows (or indeed highs) occur. I feel I’m better prepared for either event, and that my MH no longer controls me, I control it. Which is a great feeling in itself; and another tick off the list!
So, that’s 3 out of the 4 I’ve already achieved, and there’s still 3 months left of 2014.
It just leaves… (imagine dramatic music here…).. quitting smoking! My biggest and hardest habit to break. However, it is in the pipeline for the next few weeks, when I really feel I’m ready to do it. I’m not going to publicise it on here until I’m well into it, to avoid the added pressure basically. Once I get past the first 48 hours, it does start to get easier. (Learnt that from previous quit attempts!!). So, once I’ve cracked that part I will probably announce to you all.
I’m feeling really proud of myself for achieving my goals; I only set ones that I felt were achievable for me, and so far so good! As for the 5th goal, well that was 2014/2015 anyway, so am happy to postpone that for a while. There’s plenty of time to tackle it when the time is right!
I’m also feeling proud of myself in general, looking back over my journey and where I was compared to where I am now. I know I’ve probably said all this before, but it helps to say it again haha. Some of my older posts were really very morbid and at times when I was really very low. I can’t bring myself to read some of the posts to be honest, as I don’t want to remember what that feeling was like. I know it happened, of course, but I’d rather leave it in the past where it belongs. Maybe one day I’ll read through some of them, but for now I’m happy in the knowledge that it’s not the person I am now.
Right now, in this moment, I’m happy and very content with my life. Yes, I may be a little overweight now, but that’s easily fixed when my mind is ready to get on board with it. But for now, I’m happy as I am. I have an amazingly supportive husband who loves me for me, no matter what size I am, so I’m trying not to stress about it too much. It’s something I know how to deal with, but it’s just not on my priorities list right now. I have many other things to focus on, like starting my new job, settling into that, and quitting smoking. Once those two things are under way, then I can think about adding in the diet side of things. For now, it’s live and let live for me.
I was speaking to someone about my blog recently, and they told me that it takes a lot of courage to bare all to the world; and I’ll admit that some, if not all, of what I’ve said has take a lot of courage to write, in particular at my lowest points. To really admit to the world how you feel, especially when it comes to mental illness, is a really hard thing to do. They commended me for doing so, which made me feel really good. It has been hard at times, not only to feel the motivation to write in the first place, but to be so brutally honest the whole time. I said at the beginning of this blog that at all times I would be honest, and I have been. No matter how dark and gritty my thoughts have been! It amazes me really just how often I have posted on here. I’d never been any good at keeping a blog before! But then I guess when you actually have a reason to, it does make it easier to find things to write about. I think this will be my 163rd post! With 95 days left of this year (is that all??!!), I feel I’ve done quite well. Out of the 270 (I think…) days that we’ve had so far this year, I have posted on over half of those days… that’s an accomplishment in itself for me! Even when I haven’t posted every day, I’ve always covered the days I missed in epic posts, so really my entire year so far has been documented in black and white, here on my blog. Quite an incredible thought to be honest!
I have felt that I’m finding less to write about though since getting better… that makes it sound like all I wrote about was doom and gloom doesn’t it?! But, on the positive side of that, it just goes to show you that recovery is possible. To look at me now, you’d never believe how ill I have been, and most wouldn’t believe it if I told them. Only you lovely followers know the score, and I’m so grateful for all of you, reading and supporting me, even though some of you have never even met me. I’ve made some great friends through this blog also, which is really nice.
So with that all said, I think I shall draw this post to a close, have gone on a lot longer than planned… always the same with me though, I like to waffle on don’t I! Thanks for reading folks, and have a great weekend!!
Until next time…