August 9th – A year on..

Hey lovely people,

Been a few days since I posted, sorry about that. After being poorly I didn’t really have that much to write about. But now I do so here I am…

As the title says, it has been pretty much a year since I first had my breakdown. I thought now would be the time to reflect upon the year that has passed.

But first, recent news…
I had an appointment with my employment advisor on Thursday, my last one. Which feels like the end of an era. But now that I’m in work I don’t qualify for the regain service anymore. My case file has now been closed. However, she says she is still there for me via email or telephone if I ever need her and to check in from time to time to let her know how things are going.

I also had my 3 month review letter from the CBT therapists. Basically a form to fill in like we used to each week whilst attending therapy. My scores are almost all 0 now, which is a huge step for me. Back during therapy I was scoring the max on most weeks. It dropped over the course of the therapy, but never to the lowest like it is now. That I am really proud of. It does say if I would like 1-1 therapy then I need to contact them, but at the moment I don’t feel I need it. This may change…so watch this space.

Went back to work yesterday (Friday), it went okay, but was a very slow and rather boring day. At least it eased me back in gently.

Another milestone reached, 122 days self harm clean today!! Which I am so, so proud of myself for. It was something that I really did struggle with, so to come this far is a huge achievement. I am rewarding myself with a new tattoo soon.

In a year I have achieved so much. I’ve thought about it many times recently, and can’t believe the journey that I have been on. It feels epic as I look back and think of how bad things were only a year ago. I was a walking disaster. I’ve never felt so low in all my life. I didn’t see a future for myself at all. But, I don’t want to dwell on it too much. I have to remember how far I have come and feel proud of myself. I’ve battled my way back from the worst depression I’ve experienced and come back stronger. I don’t want to ever go that low again. As long as I keep taking my medication all should be well…

Another thing that I’ve been dealing with is the things that happened with my ex ‘brother’. I think now I can actually say I’m putting it behind me and moving on. I have to otherwise it will consume me. It is in the past, I cannot change it, only learn from it. I found out the truth about who he was and I think it is for the best that we are no longer in communication with each other. For both of us. So, this really is the LAST time he is going to bother me. I am leaving it behind me and going with this quote:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

And with that, I will draw this post to a close. Until next time folks….

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