July 14th – Fears

Hey folks,

This is a very sleepy post; work has knackered me. And I’m back for more tomorrow.

My biggest fears are coming to life though, as there’s a sick bug going round work and I’m terrified of getting it. Really hoping I don’t. It really is freaking me out though. Have started taking vitamins again, eating more fruit and drinking lots of water. Hoping its enough to keep it away from me.

I was in a different room again today, and to be honest it wasn’t too great. Felt really awkward and when I left I felt the thank you for your help comment was a little sarcastic. Oh well, back in my normal room tomorrow and hopefully I won’t get moved.

I also saw my GP this afternoon, who was delighted to hear I’m back in work and doing well. He’s also got the picture I painted on his wall, so that felt good. I discussed with him the side effects of my medication, as I’m constantly exhausted and nauseous. He advised me to take the meds with my dinner, rather than before bed. So I’m trying that to a few days. Fingers crossed.

Today is day 96 self harm free!!!! Its the one thing I feel in control of at the moment. Everything else, not so much.

I need to try harder to let go of the anxieties, but it feels impossible at the moment. The mere mention of a temperature or sick sends panic coursing through me. I hate it. Feel so pathetic. I wish I was stronger and more relaxed about it, I really do. Even typing this is making me feel terrible. Right, enough!! If it happens it happens, right?! Hmm….

I don’t think there is much else to write about today so I will leave it there. So damn tired!! Until next time then folks…

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