So, today hasn’t been an easy day emotionally. Fathers Day never is. It doesn’t get any easier, even after nearly 3 years since my father passed away.
I miss him every single day and there’s not going to be a day where I don’t. I dread fathers day every year; when Facebook becomes awash with the standard messages and photo’s of people with their fathers. I envy each and every one of those people; a lot take their parents for granted, I too was guilty of that. But once you’ve lost them, a part of you dies with them, and you never get that back. So make the most of every single hour of every day with your parents, you never know when life will be cruel and take them away from you.
Sorry to be on such a downer, but I hope you can understand why.
I can remember so many happy times, when I was a kid growing up; like sitting on a bean bag by his armchair, watching the trooping of the colour and eating sweets; or when he used to let me brush his hair and put clips in it. I may have been an only child, and we weren’t the richest of families, but I never wanted for anything. My childhood was most definitely, for the most part, a happy one, and it makes me wonder where it all went wrong to land me with Bipolar Disorder.
I suppose it’s just one of those things in life, an unexplained mystery that life has dealt me.
My only wish is that my father had been well enough to attend my wedding. Instead he was in hospital, and all day I thought of him, wishing he was there, celebrating with us. My uncle was my honorary “father” for the day, giving me away and making a very emotive speech. It was truly a great day, that could have only been more perfect if my father had been there too. I remember visiting him in hospital the day before, and both shedding tears at the mere mention of my big day the following day. He so desperately wanted to be there, but he just wasn’t well enough to be.
I had our photos’ put onto a DVD for him to watch, which he did when he was discharged from hospital a few weeks later. He beamed with pride and as I write this I still remember the smile on his face, it brings tears to my eyes.
Before I crumble into tears again, I’ll leave you with this poem and images, and say until next time…
I love you Dad, always xxxxxxxxxxxx