May 15th – 100TH POST!

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Hey folks, 

Can’t quite believe it, but this is my 100th post to my blog!! 

It has coincided with my review coming through the post, from the CBT Therapists. So I thought I would cover that tonight. 

Will give you a run down of my day first though: 
I went to visit my mum this morning, had a really nice time and it felt good to spend the time with her. I know since my dad passed away she does feel lonely. I’m going to try and see her more often, and call her at least once a week to check in on her. I do feel guilty that I’ve not been doing that, can sometimes go weeks without seeing or speaking to her. That’s so awful of me! I need to and will make more of an effort from now on!! 

This afternoon I went for a 3 mile walk as the weather was really lush! I did it in 54 minutes, which is a personal best for me. It’s also good practise for a 10K sponsored walk that my husband and I are doing in September. It’s for The Alzheimer’s Society, and you can sponsor me here, if you wish to. (Every donation gratefully received, even if all my followers contributed £1, that would be £40 to a great cause). 

I also spoke to the council about our arrears, and sorted out an arrangement with them to pay it off; basically spread out over the 10 months, on top of the normal payment. So at least that’s 1 of 2 debts sorted. The electricity is a whole new ball game, and one which I won’t go into details of here, as it’s far too stressful. 

So, on to the main topic of this post: CBT review. 
As my regular reader will know, I had a 12 week course of group CBT; The review letter came through the post this morning, and shows just how useful the course was for me. 
At the beginning of the course, my PHQ9 (measuring depression) score was 27/27. My GAD7 (measuring anxiety) was 21/21. 
After the 12 weeks, these have reduced to PHQ9 of 6/27 and GAD7 of 6/21. So a considerable improvement, and I’m really proud of that. 
My discharge plan is as follows: 
“A referral has been made, for an assessment with secondary care, for 1:1 support”
Which I’m really glad about, as had mentioned it a few times at my 1:1’s after group. I’m really keen to get the chance to work through CBT techniques specifically to my situation and maybe reduce those scores even further.

Combined with my medication, I really feel that I’d benefit from further therapy. It’s already clearly been really effective for me, and helped a great deal with both my depression and my anxiety. It makes me feel hopeful that, going forward, I can further learn CBT techniques and use them to get through episodes of depression and/or anxiety in the future. 

I have come so far, I realise that now. It’s taken a while for it to really sink in, but when I look back at where I came from, to where I am now, it’s huge. Yes, I still have the occasional dip in mood, or excessive high, but that’s to be expected with Bipolar Disorder. The medication is definitely helping though, but there is no permanent fix, just management. 

I’m so much stronger that I was; I am getting some self confidence back and have achieved so much:

  • I have a job, albeit temporary.
  • I have tried volunteering.
  • I’m keeping on top of my housework and beginning to feel house-proud again.
  • I’m attempting to take charge of our debts, rather than ignoring them.
  • I’m slowly taking back control over my mental health.

– I REFUSE TO SINK; INSTEAD I’LL LEARN TO FLY-

That’s still is, and always will be, my personal mantra. I live by it every day. I can feel my wings now, lifting me up little by little; It’s only a matter of time, before I spread those wings and take flight. 

I will learn my triggers and ways to manage the crazy highs and epic lows; 
I’ll have the control that I’ve been fighting for;

I have so much going for me, and so much love and support. For which, I am truly thankful and it means the world to me. I know I’m going to be okay eventually, and I’m going to keep on fighting until I really am. I can see the future now, and in a much more positive way. Things I’d like may not be happening for me right now, but perseverance and patience will pay off in the end. All good things come to those who wait, and all that jazz! 

To the future I say – BRING IT ON! 

I’ll leave you with my usual quotes, ones that today I feel really reflect where I am at right now. So, until next time…

“Now is the time for us to shine. The time when our dreams are within reach and possibilities are vast. Now is the time for all of us to become the people we have always dreamed of being. This is your world. You’re here. You matter. The world is waiting.” 

“The greatest discovery of all time, is that a person can change their future by merely changing their attitude.”

“Your attitude is like a box of crayons that colour your world. Constantly colour your picture grey, and your picture will always be bleak; Try adding some bright colours to the picture by including humour, and your picture begins to brighten up.”

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